Anything Under the Sun
Sunday, August 23, 2009
7) He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
6) The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
5) Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man."
4) Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. travelling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
3) John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
2) The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
1) The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
And You thought Your Job was a PAIN?
Be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed.
Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.
Now the fun part begins. Take out the literature from the box and read it carefully. You will notice there is a disclosure in very fine print that reads:
“Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested and then sanitized.”
Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, “I am so glad I do not work in the thermometer quality control department at Johnson & Johnson.” Have a wonderful day knowing that, no matter how bad it is, there is always a job that’s more of a pain than yours.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Lessons in Life
SON - What's up, Dad?
DAD - There's a scratch down the side of the car. Did you do it?
SON - I don't believe; if I understand the definition of "scratch the car"; that I can say, truthfully,that I scratched the car.
DAD - Well, it wasn't there yesterday, and you drove the car last night, and no one else has driven it since. How can you explain the scratch?
SON - Well, as I've said before, I have no recollection of scratching the car. While it is true that I did take the car out last night, I did not scratch it.
DAD - But your sister has told me she saw you back the car against the mailbox at the end of the driveway, heard a loud scraping sound, saw you get out to examine the car, and then drive away. So again I'll ask you, yes or no, did you scratch the car?
SON - Oh, you mean you think you have evidence to prove I scratched it. Well, you see, I understood you to mean did "I" scratch the car. I stand by my earlier statement, that I did not scratch the car.
DAD - Are you trying to tell me you didn't drive the car into the mailbox?
SON - Well, you see sir, I was trying to drive the car into the street. I mishandled the steering of the car, and it resulted in direct contact with the mailbox, though that was clearly not my intent.
DAD - So you are then saying that you did hit the mailbox?
SON - No sir, that's not my statement. I'll refer you back to my original statement that I did not scratch the car.
DAD - But the car did hit the mailbox, and the car did get scratched as a result of this contact?
SON - Well, yes, I suppose you could look at it that way.
DAD - So you lied to me when you said you did not scratch the car?
SON - No. No, that's not correct. Your question was "Did I scratch the car?" From a strict legal definition, as I understood the meaning of that sentence, I did not scratch the car... the mailbox did... I was merely present when the scratching occurred. So my answer of "No" when you asked "Did I scratch the car" was legally correct, although I did not volunteer information.
DAD - Where in the heck did you learn to be such a liar?
SON - From The President of the United States.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Instead of 1 week school holidays, kids have 2 weeks holiday for the first three terms and at the end of the year they get about a month and a half of holidays. As for the Easter weekend, we had a really long weekend. School ended a bit earlier on Thursday and the public holiday streched up to Monday. Our neighbour gave the kids easter eggs and they also got some from friends and teachers in school. Shops started showcasing lovely easter eggs and bunnies etc from the start of March.
I am still learning to drive and will have to keep my learners permit at least up to September ( I hope I would have passed the exam by them). I am very excited to join TAFE for certificate in childcare in July. I believe that is the best job for me. I love to spend time with kids and I love making crafts and I am a happy and bubbly person. Its an irony, but to join this course I have to send my youngest to a child care or day care! After being a home maker for quite a few years I'm a bit nervous yet I keeping my fingers crossed that everything will work out fine.
See the comics below and you'll know there are other who have to be much more nervous than me! Hope you enjoy the comic - Its from www.doubletakecomics.com
Saturday, March 14, 2009
If you are caught Sleeping at Work
10. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
9. "This is just a 15 minute power nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to."
8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the white out. You probably got here just in time."
7. "I wasn't sleeping, I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm."
6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."
5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Do you discriminate against people who practice Yoga?"
4. "Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."
3. "The coffee machine is broken."
2. "Someone must have put decaf in the wrong pot."
1. " ... in God's name, Amen."
Thursday, January 22, 2009
The Less You Know, The More You Make
This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two postulates:
1. Knowledge is Power.
2. Time is Money.
As every engineer knows:
Power = Work / Time
Knowledge = Power
Time = Money
It follows that:
Knowledge = Work/Money.
Solving for Money, we get:
Money = Work / Knowledge.
Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done.
The less you know, the more you make.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Goodbye Singapore Welcome Adelaide
It has only been about 1 month plus and there are already 2 "things" that I miss terribly.
Number 1 : Family and Friends
I miss my siblings, my in-laws and friends. While of course, my kids miss their cousins, best friends and classmates. But thank God for email and phones, we can still keep in touch:)
My sister had a house warming at her new place in JB and the "Gang" was there from Friday till Monday. So, that was one get together that we couldn't be around. But, I know that there will be other times so, we just have to wait patiently when we come down for a visit back to Singapore.
On the 23rd of January, my husband's niece will be getting married. She is the eldest grand daughter for my in-laws. The wedding is going to be really up scale and and grand but we have to miss that too. Fortunately we were around for her ROM and my husband will be back in Singapore during that time so at least he will be able to attend.
Number 2: Food Glorious Food
I am really glad that there are many "Asian" grocery stores available here. I have also located quite a few Halal meat stalls and Halal food shops. However, I just can't walk down to the neighbouring food court and order just about anything. Boy, do I miss the Halal Food Court in Jurong Point!
I can't seem to find those yummy and sour preserved fruits anywhere. Although I could find lots of fresh and dried fruits as well as such a variety of nuts everywhere. I just hope when Chinese New Year is round the corner, I'll be able to grab some of my favorite preserved fruits. Yummy asams :)
Some Distinctive Differences
They are very friendly and helpful. Back in Singapore, if a stranger says "Good morning" when I go pass him on a Zebra crossing, I will do a double take and think to myself, "That guy is really strange". But such incidence are the norm here.
Everyone who serves you will usually greet you with "How was your day" etc. as well as show patience and kindness when dealing with you. For example, once when I was trying to fax a document and it couldn't go through, the librarian bothered to check the Net to find out if I had got the wrong fax number or were there any other alternative numbers to fax to. I believe that is definitely going the extra mile for customer service!
It's huge. So almost everyone drives. When someone mentions it's just 5 minutes from here, they are not talking about 5 minutes walk but, more likely about 6 km away or 5 minutes drive.
I haven't seen one skyscraper yet and I don't think there's any here.
The views are soooo beautiful. I wish I was a professional photographer or artist. I'd probably make millions of dollars with these "Post card" views.
It's cheaper to rent a "landed property" with lots of garden and backyard as compared to a flat. Flats are low maintenance, usually situated nearer to the city and it is also more difficult to find 3 bedrooms in apartments.
My kids simply love the space available. They can play catching, hide and seek, ride their scooters and bikes and have lots of fun. Of course, I end up with a bigger place to clean up and keep tidy. The possibility of insects visiting your house increases many folds.
The weather - It's no sweat!
Seriously - because of the lack of humidity, one does not perspire. Whenever I sweep or mop the floor back home, I would end up drenched in sweat. Not so here, so I can sure save money on perfume huh :)
The daylight hours are very long right now. Sun rises at about 5 am and sets at only 8.30 pm. I am sure glad that by the time we have to fast next year for Ramadan the timing would have changed to what we are more used to. (Sigh of relief)
It's strange but it can be cold and hot at the same time. The sun is intense so all school children need to put on a hat during P.E. While at the same time the wind can be strong and cold. The first few days after we arrived, it was the coldest summer in many years.I heard that it was snowing in Victoria. (Yes it's summer not winter in down under)
The transport system
No MRT, but there trains, trams and buses. They do not come in such short intervals as in Singapore. BUT hey, all forms of public transport (except for Taxis) are free within the city limit.
Outside of the city - you buy a ticket and it can last you for 2 hours. That means you can use it on trains, buses and trains as many times as you wish within the 2 hours.
Getting a driver's licence
I had thought that since cars are so common in Australia, getting a driver's licence would be really easy. I took some lessons in Singapore but didn't have time to sit for the test as the booking for a test has a waiting period of about 3 months or longer. I thought I could just take a refresher course then sit for a test. Unfortunately the system is very different. After I pass the theory test, I will be given the "L" plate. I will have to complete 40 hours of day driving and 10 hours of night driving with a qualified supervising driver. As my husband does not hold an Australian driving licence, it's a bit of a problem for now:( I will also have to hold the Learner's permit for at least 6 months.
The Education System - It's Stress FREE
This was one of the primary reason for our move. There's no PSLE, "N", "O", "A" levels or any other streaming for me or my kids to worry about. The kids start out at kinder garden then move on to primary then later to high school. After which they can decide to take TAFE ( which is similar to polythecnic in Singapore) or to join the university.
The school starts in end January so we have an extended holiday from November to January for this year. Yippee!
It is much smaller and not multi storied like those in Jurong East, Woodlands etc. However, their system is sooo wonderful. Instead of us searching for the books the book comes to us. How is that possible you ask?
You check up the books that you like in the computer catalog and put them on "Hold". Once it is available you will be notified and then come down to the nearest library of your choice to borrow.
You don't get to borrow a miserly 4 books at a time. NO, after 3 months of library membership you get to borrow "50", yup that's FIFTY items. You don't have to pay annual membership fee of $20 to borrow Audio visual materials. For those below 18 years old, there could also borrow from the recreational library stuff such as tennis rackets, soccer and basket balls etc. The children section is really cozy and has lots of puzzles and games to keep to tots occupied while the parents browse and read at leisure.
What is more, the favorite activity of my elder three kids, which is using the Internet, if FREE. (for 2 hours per person per day)
On the other hand , there are some disadvantages such as the opening hours are not as long as in Singapore and the branch here does not open on Sundays. But there are other branches that operate at different times.
It is really a very new experience out here in Adelaide and we hope to enjoy every minute of it. Till we get back to home sweet home Singapore.